I see this at most tournaments. Player crying on the sideline, obviously from getting pull from the game or not getting playing time. Luckily it hasn't happen to me as a club coach yet, but would like to prepare myself just in case.
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how a coach deal with this situation?
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 gotsandvb |
how a coach deal with this situation? |
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Posts: 210 (03/31/08 5:53 PM) |
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VB2004 |
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Posts: 119 (03/31/08 6:11 PM) |
My coach was the best, he would tell us to go to the bathroom and cry and to not come back into the gym until we were done with all the crying, drama,
selfishness and to not return with tears in our eyes. At which time he would let us all know that someone crying on the sideline, for playing issues or out of
frustration, was being selfish and not a being a teammate.....it was tough love if you will, but it was honest.
I learned from that, it made sense later, but to this day, I thought it was very appropiate. I'm glad I had a coach like him.... very short and to the point. |
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gotsandvb |
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Posts: 210 (03/31/08 6:22 PM) |
(1) bathroom time out
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bigdig |
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Posts: 46 (03/31/08 7:01 PM) |
If as a coach you handle the situation properly you should not have the drama.....been my experience in athletics that surprises cause the drama....lack of
clear understanding....young teen agers need clear guidance, be it boys or girls...all these issues, concerns, position and playing time should be worked out a
head of time in practice not during a game.
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flyonthewall |
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Posts: 368 (03/31/08 7:30 PM) |
So if the player cried out of frustration they were sent to the bathroom....what about the players who swear or yell (not just talking loud) at their
teammates? Where do they get sent? I heard that happen a few times this weekend. I have a kid who has teared up out of frustration at herself and her not
being able to play like the coaches or team needs her to do. She hates it when she tears up and she tries like heck not to let it happen on the bench (not
always successful and fortunately maybe once a season). But, her teammates understand her teary eyes better than the biting comments or swearing that another
teammate directs at various team members when she feels that particular member hasn't performed properly. Sometimes the tears aren't over playing
time...sometimes the kids are just mad at themselves. Forntunately my kid has never out and out been crying ...
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yeaaano |
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Posts: 28 (03/31/08 8:04 PM) |
i had always tried my best never to cry, my eyes teared up often, but they never fell until i reached the bathroom. i never let my coach or teammates see me
cry, or my mom even. its just something that runs in the family lol. but just because girls cried, doesnt mean their selfish. i always teared up because i felt
embarrassed sitting on the bench, and/or was letting down myself and my parents, who payed so much money and offered so much of their time to take me to
practice and tournaments, etc.
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Tigger1 |
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Posts: 120 (03/31/08 8:06 PM) |
Not all kids have the emotional maturity to be able to handle disappointment effectively. Caution should be employed before automatically discounting behavior as "selfish." I do not support coddling of players wallowing in self-pity, but the occasional tear of frustration should not be viewed harshly, IMO, in the right context. Too many young athletes are lost from youth sport because they were thought not to be "tough" enough. I suspect many are passed over in favor of youngsters with more advanced coping skills. What must life be like for a twelve year old to have advanced coping skills? For some, "the crying moment" is used as a form of manipulation. These are the kids that need a time out. For the others, cut them some slack, and allow them a moment to regain their composure. If the kids know you have their back, they'll have yours eventually. |
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CDBVB |
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Posts: 12 (04/01/08 1:21 AM) |
A little off the subject:
As a parent, who's daughter "starts"....it is still hard for me to see talented girls sitting on the bench. When you have 12+ players on a team and you see the same starters and the same two subs ... playing 98% of the time .... my heart goes out to the girls that stand on the sidelines. I think it would be only fair for a coach to talk (during a weekday practice) to the player (s) consistently on the bench and let them know what they need to do in order to earn playing time. This past weekend, I watched one of our two setters sit on the bench. There were no tears ...but as the day wore on, I could see the disappointment in her face. Even when the starting setter made a few bad sets, that setter was never pulled out of the game. Personally, I think the setter that was on the sideline is the better of the two setters. But, I am not the coach! That afternoon, some parents were wondering the same thing. I learned after the fact...that the setter on the bench was never addressed by her coach as to why she "sat" for two days. Don't you think that it would be common courtesy for the coach to talk to these girls individually? I know that this setter began to lose confidence in herself and doubt her own talent. Do you think it is up to the parents OR is it up to the players, to ask the coach? The only reason I am asking is because parents have come to me and talked about their concerns. (I am the kind of person people think they can say anything to and I am NOT a know-it-all.) So I suggested they have 2 choices: #1 they should nicely ask the coach why their daughter doesn't play #2 wait and see if things change during the next tournament Any other suggestions? What's the norm? Maybe there is NO norm! |
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dbvbfan |
Communication | ||
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Posts: 132 (04/01/08 6:24 AM) |
I have to agree with bigdig. If the girls know what the coach's plans are for the line-up and subbing, then when coach executes, they expect it.
I'm not sure why most coaches do not communicate their coaching plan, but I do know that not knowing until he turns in the line-up, who is playing, takes a lot of energy and attention by the entire team. As a player my coaches didn't tell anything ahead of time. As a parent, my daughter has experienced both types. Under the coach who communicates, was when she had the biggest strides in growth both in volleyball and as a person. I think the tears question takes a case by case review. Some need to have the timeout, for some all it takes is a little bit of information and knowing what to expect. I know that if fostering open and honest communication with my kids is my goal, telling them to take their feelings to the bathroom and to not return until they can hide them, wouldn't get me very far. |
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tresmariasvb |
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Posts: 72 (04/01/08 9:11 AM) |
"Do you think it is up to the parents OR is it up to the players, to ask the coach?"
I think you should always, first, discuss the issue(s) with your daughter, advising her on what to ask the coach and to not leave the meeting until she has a clear understanding of the coach's expectations and steps necessary to achieve her goal(s). Having a 13-15 year-old learn how to "fight her own battles" will teach her how to be a responsible, independent adult. I agree with dbvbfan...communication is the key! |
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relativeyoungster |
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Posts: 878 (04/01/08 9:53 AM) |
tresmariasvb wrote: This is ABSOLUTELY great advice. Now, if you feel the coach is playing mind games or belittling your daughter when she asks, politely, in an appropriate
setting (probalby not during a tournament, etc), then, at least in my opinion, its time for the parents to step in.
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eweeyeewesee |
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Posts: 308 (04/01/08 10:21 AM) |
CDBVB wrote:Maybe it's just me, but 12+ players on a club team is 2-3 too many, in my opinion. |
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the newest challenger |
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Posts: 54 (04/01/08 10:31 AM) |
It is 100% player responsibility to ask the coach why she is not playing. Parents are not the ones passing, setting, or attacking any balls. If a player is
unhappy or unclear with what the coach is doing, it is her responsibility to ask the coach what she needs to do in order to see the floor.
I can't speak for every coach out there, but I would rather have the same girl ask me 50 times what she is doing wrong or what she needs to play more then to have her parents ask me once why their daughter didn't play. |
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volleyball |
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Posts: 46 (04/01/08 10:37 AM) |
CBDVB, if the results are not improving with player changes made on the court, questions will arise. Winning is the equalizer. If a team is showing improvement
based on changes, the coach is doing their job. Players are required to do many things on the court, much of which is overlooked by the parent who is only
looking at the obvious.
Your comments are specifically about setters: A setter will touch the ball over 400 times in a day long tournament, and jump for hundreds of blocks, not to mention chasing bad passes. Their split decisions are a key to a teams success. Frankly, a "few bad sets" are a blessing. If there were only "a few bad passes" or "a few missed hits" you would never lose a game! |
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gotsandvb |
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Posts: 210 (04/01/08 10:44 AM) |
1) Bathroom time out (sent crying player to bathroom to cry by herself)
2) Communications between player and coach (don't let parents do the talking for their kid) 3) Have less players on rooster ( dismiss players coach don't use from the team)
Last Edited By: gotsandvb
04/01/08 10:49 AM.
Edited 1 times.
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fatman |
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Posts: 28 (04/01/08 11:24 AM) |
".......I would rather have the same girl ask me 50 times what she is doing wrong"
Does anyone stop and think, maybe she's not doing anything wrong and her teammates are just better or playing better? There are going to be differences between players on a team and players in the same position and if each of them progress throughout the season after starting at different points with regard to their level of playing, those differences will remain there. Whatever happened to "when you're in, keep yourself there and when you're not in and you get your shot, do something with it." Just because you're on a team doesn't mean you get to play. |
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youmustbekidding |
CDBVB is correct | ||
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Posts: 35 (04/01/08 5:11 PM) |
CDBVB wrote:If CDBVB is referring to the team I think he/she is, the results speak for themselves, and it was b-a-d. The team unfortunately did not do well. |
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volleyball |
whiners | ||
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Posts: 46 (04/01/08 10:32 PM) |
"youmustbekidding" cannot possibly be referring to the same team CDBVB is referring to, because
a top finish in Open is never a b-a-d thing. You must have failed to witness all the wins getting to the gold matches on the final day! Any team going from a top finish in a Club Qualifier to a top finish in an Open Qualifier 2 weeks later, is an improved team. No individual player is responsible for the success or failures of any team. After a successful tournament, to suggest "in your opinion, one setter is better than another" is ridiculous. The results do speak for themselves-on the SCVA final standings page! |
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youmustbekidding |
No top finish | ||
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Posts: 35 (04/02/08 8:07 AM) |
Volleyball, no top finish was mentioned by CDBVB. The team that I have in mind had a very poor finish, certainly not even in the top 10.
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volleyball |
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Posts: 46 (04/02/08 9:27 AM) |
As I suspected, different teams.
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loganpkbt |
another thought | ||
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Posts: 585 (04/02/08 9:48 AM) |
From the minute the sperm hits the egg there are some individuals that just have more emotion than others. Such people are fascinating to me (I have two).
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